But there is another side to me. The one that maybe isn’t normally so blog-worthy: the yearning, snarky, self-deprecating Smart Ass, the counter-productive negative persona that competes with Mindful Girl. The self that in the same breath can say “thank you for such a wonderful day, but I wish….” “I wish!”. I truly wish I could delete those two little words from my vocabulary. Even when whispered, they scream selfishness. But sometimes life just requires a little wishful thinking, for things like guidance, courage, patience, or an occasional pampered pedicure.
I can’t decide if these two personas will forever exist in parallel universes, (no plural form listed in my dictionary app, universi?)or if they are about to dangerously intersect. I keep trying to stomp out the yearning self, but she keeps rearing her ugly spoiled head. (Smart Ass is here to stay). I don’t know whether to be braced for an “Aha” moment when these two gals battle it out, or a self-destructive implosion.
This morning, I hopped on my bike to ease this ridiculous mental chatter. It was pretty early, so very few cars were out on the road, though THANKFULLY (see, I can do it) that is the norm around here most of the time.
I noticed the battleship grey Spanish moss dripping from the oak tree of my favorite curve on my favorite road.
I marveled at the little mosaic-like reflection on the water as the sun peeked through the clouds.
I know that life is not, and cannot always be, perfectly packaged in designer gift-wrap loveliness. And I know that I am not yet comfortable sharing that all-too-real (and too frequent) other self here on this blog.
Hope you’ve had a simple Sunday. Thanks for stopping by,
Mindful Girl (at least for now)